My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
