Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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