he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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