God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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