I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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