He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
