Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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