dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
