I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
