Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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