I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I still have a little drunk in my system
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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