Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
