I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
