You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
