fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
