I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Randomize
