He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
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