Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
