I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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