Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
He felt like a one man threesome
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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