Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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