the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
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