Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
