I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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