It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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