you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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