I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
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