I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
It's Friday. Sex?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
