I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
