Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
