I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
