Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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