Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
