we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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