who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
