I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
