Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
