Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
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How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
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I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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