We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
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