I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
