I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
