with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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