The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
