just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
