i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
