I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
