just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
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