This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
