did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
