he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
