I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
