jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
