we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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