You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
