i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
