I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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