Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
How does one acquire holy water?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
