i think my mom watched the whole time
I think my vagina is haunted
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
