Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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