apparently the secret to your success is patron
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
