How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
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