Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
How's work?
Spinning.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
