I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Randomize
