Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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