I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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