never play flip cup with pint glasses
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
