wrigley field is MILF paradise
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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