Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
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He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
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If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
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She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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