I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
