when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
