I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
