my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
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